Winter weddings: why do people do it? Oh, the fantasy of being a snow-queen bride in a white fur cape, snowflakes twinkling everywhere, and consummating the marriage in the flattering light of a fire.
But the truth is, for all but the starry-eyed, hypothermia-defying bride and groom, winter weddings are an utter bore, not least because they involve missing a Saturday's hunting. You'd have to put on a really good show to beat that, and let's face it, most weddings just can't compete. (Yes, I know, they are the only other occasion where it is socially acceptable to start drinking at 11am, but still.)
Think of the effort of pulling together a day outfit that will be smart and remotely on-trend while at the same time fending off the elements. Unlike most winter pursuits, where the correct attire is season-appropriate, weddings are inherently at odds with the cold. You are faced with a horrid dilemma. Wrap up too warm and you risk entering frump territory, not to mention suffocating in an overheated, crowded room. Keep it light and you will freeze to death in a chilly, damp church for what will feel like the longest 45 minutes of your life. And then carry on freezing outside said church while the lovebirds pose for posterity.
Add to this a long drive in fog or snow, and being holed up indoors with heaps of other people's friends, relatives and howling children, plus the pitfalls of choosing a gift, and you can see why I am not overly enthusiastic about brother-in-law's forthcoming nuptials. It gets worse: they are getting married in Wales, for heaven's sake (cue horizontal rain and certain footwear death in waterlogged ground). And I am trying to do all of the above on a shoestring - whilst not letting standards drop, obvs.- as I am now one of the nation's embarrassingly large number of young and qualified unemployed. And the meet I shall be reluctantly missing is a really cool one, with a barbeque afterwards. Grr doesn't begin to cover it.
The human mating season should be, as is the case for most other species, seasonal, restricted preferably to spring and summer. Is it really necessary to plight one's troth in the bleak midwinter? I can recall one wedding weekend on the Isle of Wight where the bridal party stood in a blizzard having their pictures taken, like a scene from Scott of the Antarctic, and the possibility that the return ferry might be cancelled hung ominously over the proceedings, jolly though they were.
Thinking of tying the knot? Spare a thought for your guests, be they hunting folk or not, and steer clear of the winter months. You never know, the British weather being what it is you may still get to wear that fur cape and have a cosy fire lit in your bridal suite.
